I usually hate the 15th of every month. So, this morning before I got out of bed, I tried to relax and meditate for a minute, but my mind kept going to all the bills I have to pay because it’s the 15th and if I wait any longer, I’ll get late fines. I thought, for a brief second, if I could wish for anything this Christmas, it would just one month without a million things to pay. Not worrying about money or saying no to my girls when they have something ridiculous like a fundraiser for band or cheer or soccer. Or tickets to the Nutcracker. Or another white elephant gift.
When that moment passed, I got out of bed and started my day. I worked a little this morning. I shampooed my carpets. I took nearly everything out of my closet and rearranged it. Caught up on dishes, did some laundry, went to the post office and sent out some packages. I ate lunch with Sara. All accomplished by noon.
I stay extra busy on the 15th to keep my mind occupied. But today small miracles happened. I opened an unaddressed Christmas card and in it was a receipt from someone who paid my electric bill for the month. Someone knocked on my door and brought me a ham. And I was informed I have a credit for new tires waiting for me at the tire shop.
I don’t like that I sometimes feel greedy and sorry for myself. I don’t like feeling like I need things when I have so much. I especially don’t like asking for help. I live in constant survival mode and it wears me out. But I’m happy. And I’m healthy. And days like this, when small things mean everything, I feel I am the luckiest person alive.