Traveling questions I understand but personal questions the last few months have been off the charts. “Have you heard…?, Or did that really happen?”, have been blurted out unexpectedly mid-conversation since the early part of this year. The questions regarding an event that I was not involved in directly but because I had knowledge of it made me indirectly a target of rumors. There were a few that apologized, told me they felt guilty for not supporting me more or for distancing themselves (which I didn’t notice) and said they were shocked that they never heard any of it from me.
This is a part of life.
1-people are curious and 2-people have no filter. Generally I think the best of people so I’m amused by behaviorism.
Here’s my generic answers to most questions following a rumor.
- Yes. I’ve heard.
- I don’t care.
I will reiterate that I really don’t care. I’m much more concerned about the fact that my favorite Menthol RAGNAR Chapstick is all gone and I don’t know what to replace it with because their new one is not the same. AND how will the UK referendum change my travel plans?
I’ve learned three important lessons two years ago. The fact is, 1-we can’t change other people. More than not caring about gossip, I’m thinking What is your motivation for asking?, or It’s none of your business. Seasoned in a culture to be polite and forgiving, I think the majority of us are too kind to actually say it’s none of your business. Even now, I’m not saying it to anyone in particular but writing it in a blog, not to be read by the person, err, people that needs to hear it. I got divorced two years ago. I’ve had comments and inquiries regarding personal issues that I never fathomed even possible conversations. Anyone who joins me in the ranks of Divorced Mormon knows the depths to our religious shaming and false concern. It bothered me a lot at first. In the beginning I spent a lot of time defending myself but I quickly learned another valuable lesson. 2-Self-love. I like myself better now than I have in years. I’m happy. I don’t care AND I’m happy. It’s true. I am no longer bothered by the judgment that flows with abundance in our culture. I stopped worrying about what was being said and what followed not worrying was that I soon stopped hearing anything that was being said. It’s called the Law of Attraction. (I heard a lot of what was being said as it was recounted during apologies the past few months and giggled a little every time at the absurd assumptions. That’s how far I placed myself from it.) Without needing much explanation in regards to all the gossip that’s meeting the ears of the locals these days, my favorite lesson I’ve learned in the past few years is trust in 3-Karma. If you wait patiently, it always takes care of everything. Always.
*photo taken in Gamla Stan, Stockholm, Sweden.